reflections...

I've been thinking alot of what I want my goals for next year to be. So much in my life has changed in the past year. Last december 17th was my last day in my home with V. After 5 years it was over. I moved in with my best friend emily, who graciously let me stay in her guest bedroom until I could get back on my feet. That took me until March. Then I moved in with my boss/friend Nicole's daughter, Beth and her 2 year old daughter. The day before we were supposed to move in, John, Nicoles' husband and my boss for 5 years, died of cancer. We knew it was coming but it still hit suddenly. Topped with the move I think it took me until just recently to get back on my feet. In August Beth announce she was getting married and I would have to move again. I found a great townhome in an older part of town that was just what I could afford. I was a little nervous about being totally on my own for the first time in 6 years (and that was only for about 8 mnths) but I was excited. I painted the entire house different colors, any color I wanted to. I have always love mismatched furniture anyways so my dumpster diving lifestyle fit right in with the odd color walls. In October Carl asked me if I was still interested in a roommate. Carl and I had lived together for 2 years back in 2001-02. He was at the time my boyfriends best friend (Ken). But we had known each other since we were 18. When I found out that I was moving out of Beths house I had asked him if he was interested in getting a place together but at the time he was settled where he was. I think I just needed that time to adjust to being truly alone. And honestly I loved it. No one to tell me what time to do anything or be anywhere, I could come and go at any hour, eat what I wanted and do what I wanted. Total exhilarating freedom. When he asked if I was interested in rooming again tho I jumped at it. Altho giving up the solitude was a bit hard, I love having a friend here. And he truly is my friend. I've always called him my brother. And now that Ken and I are trying to rekindle our relationship, it's the three of us hanging out again. I just love it, and they have both said how they love it too. It actually feels like home here. For the first time in a long time. I have a home. And that's what struck me as odd. For the 5 years I was with V, I strived to be the best wife I could be. To make our house a home. And try as hard as I did, it just never got there. The old cliche of it wasnt meant to be guess rings true I guess.

So looking back at moving 3 times in 8 months, loosing my boss and trying to find my footing in the business, starting my own used online bookstore, trying to raise my two dogs and keep them from eating the house, straightening out my finances, learning to eat better and smarter, it's been a hell of a year. I dont know if I really want to have any goals for next year. Maybe just continue down the path i'm going. It's been going pretty good so far.