ch ch changes....

Well, i'm seriously debating whether or not to leave the changes i've made to the design of this blog or to hire someone seriously more gifted than me to revamp it. I like the white background, I think, and I love the header picture.... just not sure.... I so hate change.

But considering how much I hate change, i'm moving, AGAIN. For those of you who remember I moved 3 times last year and swore I wouldnt move again for a really really long time. Well, that must have been in dog years because we're moving in a month. There's a rental home that just came up that we're dying to have. It's the perfect design, not to mention location, being half way between both of our parents. It's a bit out of town (think half way to Utah) but for the price and the house, I think it's worth it. Carl and I are just about out of room here, and Ken and I are ready for that next step of living together and seeing as how there's not even enough room for him to leave stuff for overnight (what do you mean clear out one of my dresser drawers?) we NEED a bigger house. We should get the keys this weekend and will know all of the details (moving date) later. I'm actually pretty excited. It's going to be a big step for Ken and I. We've known each other for 15 years, dated off and on for 10, but have never spent more than a week total together with each other. I think it'll be good for us, getting to know each other on a different level. He's lived by himself for the past 5 years, and i've always either lived with a boyfriend or a roommate, so it's going to be a big transition. I've got my fingers crossed tho.

My new night shirt

I am a die hard Buffy fan. I am also a die hard Twilight fan. (ok, maybe not die hard. I haven't gone up to the actual Forks and done the whole 'Twilight tour', but close.) So when I saw this tshirt I just had to have it. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, the first time I saw it was hanging in Ken's closet. His sister bought it for him as a gag gift, and of course he had no intention of wearing it. So now it is happily folded away in my drawer. My pajama drawer. It's a 3x. So the unfortunate part is I won't be wearing this out to say the new Twilight movie premier. But I will be wearing it as I watch season 7 on dvd of Buffy tonight.

Too wierd even for me

I've always said that the men in my life (past and present) are all very similar. In looks, personality, and I guess even in their choices. Last summer when V got married, he took his new bride to Ca, where they went to Catalina Island and also stayed for a bit on the Queen Mary 2. Well, I just found out that my ex-husband C went there last week on his honeymoon. Apparently their trip almost exactly mirrored V's, down to the number of nights they stayed on the QE2. These two men don't know each other at all, and the only thing they have in common is me. But I suppose this is further proof though that the men in my life are cut from the same cloth tho. (I can hear the twilight theme playing in the background).

I can promise everyone tho that when I get married again, I am NOT repeating this journey. Hawaii, Ireland, even maybe a cruise off the coast of Mexico. But if Ken suggests staying at the QE2 on our honeymoon........not sure what i'll do. Run for cover?

Why men don't get it

I thought this article by eharmony of 5 reasons she's just not into you was just hilarious. The sad part is there are still alot of men out there who would read it, and still not get it. But it is nice to know that it's not that us women are crazy, misreading all of the signs. Men just don't get it. A large majority of them anyways.

Plenty of holes left in the desert

That's always the running joke around Vegas...that there are still plenty of places to bury a body. No matter what we can't seem to get away from the mob jokes.

But keeping that in mind (ha), this weekend we loaded up the girls in the truck and headed out to the desert. This is about 20 miles outside of Vegas, on the outskirts of a SMALL town called Jean, which is just east of the California border. Ken and Carl are helping a friend with a short indie movie and this spot was just perfect for what they needed, and I thought the girls could use a day out.

Isn't this just gorgeous?? Don't get me wrong, I love green and trees and all that too, but there's just something so majestic about the open barrenness of a desert.

The girls (who were tied to the trailer hitch of the truck so as not to wander off and aggrivate any snakes or coyotes) watched the boys wander off.

The movie is set in the old west and they needed a spot to show a body burried in the desert. Looks perfect to me.

The girls seemed to love being outside. Plenty of new smells and dirt to roll around in. I took them for several short walks (I wasn't looking to aggrivate any snakes either) and they totally loved it. Sunshine especially has always loved the sun. She knows exactly what time every window in the house gets direct rays and you can find her there like clockwork.

They both passed out on the way home and slept the majority of the night. Now I know what to do when they're all amped up and running around the house like wild horses. A trip to the desert!

Oh what would the world be like...

Only female bees work. Males remain in the hive, their only mission in life being to fertilize the queen bee on her maiden flight. After they have served their function, the males are not allowed back into the hive but are left outside, where they starve to death.

I think we've all had days where we wonder what the world would be like if it worked like this for humans....

Wordless Wednesday

A man that will wait patiently while you run to get the camera after splashing paint all over his face while opening a 5 gallon bucket - priceless.

Look what I found

I came home last friday nite to find this in my fridge.

Why is there a biohazard bag in my fridge you ask? Good question. Apparently Carl went to the dermatologist. And this is the medication they gave him. In my fridge. He says it has a longer life if it stays in the fridge. My fridge. Next to my food. Um, yeah. I need a new fridge now.

What i've learned this week

Pretty much the entire week has been consumed with rehabbing the house V was living in. It's taken alot of work, but we're almost done. At first it was extremely cathartic. I got a bucket of hot water and a sponge and sat on the floor and washed every baseboard in the entire 2300 sq ft house. After 5 days of cleaning and repairing I am tired of cleaning up after that man. Done. Finished. No futher therapy needed.

But I have learned several things this week that i'm pretty excited about. I've never done this much physical labor or these types of repair before, so i'm looking forward to being able to do them in my own home.

First, Home Depot is now heaven. I had no idea this store was so cool! I think I've spent like 3 hours in there this week, picking up things for V's house and mine. I can't wait til it gets warmer and I can hit their garden section.

We spackled and textured. I had no idea this was so easy. I had to do 3 corners, where it had been chipped off down to the metal and was quite proud of how they turned out. The entire place needed to be spot painted. I think we went through 3 gallons of paint.

This little thing was so much fun! I caulked all the tubs and around the toilets.

Hung up 7 new blinds.

Replaced 4 kitchen tiles. Ken did this actually. Only took him like an hour to get the old ones out and the new ones in, but of course you have to set and treat it over the next 24 hours.

Took out 15 bags of trash, a couch, entertainment center, lawn mower and took home 4 bags of stuff that originally was mine but I had left when we splilt. Overall I feel better than I ever have about the split. And it's been just great having Ken there with me. He's taught me alot, and we've had some amazing discussions, about everything that has happened and everything that we want for in the future. Absolutely beyond exhausted but it's been a good week.

True Love

Ken and I were laying in bed the other night, and I had had the new muppets christmas movie in the dvd player (just for background noise, I hadn't taken it out since Christmas). After a bit I started massaging his back and the conversation went something like this :

"I'm not sure how romantic the muppets are."
I leaned up and whispered in his ear "Whisper sweet nothings in my ear. Motorcycle cop. Motorcycle cop is a sweet nothing? No, a motorcycle cop is following us."

At this point he popped his head up and was like what the hell was that? I busted out laughing.

This wonderful quote is from the first Muppet movie (like there was any doubt where I was going with this).Ken and I are movie quote nuts. We're constantly throwing out new quotes to see if the other person can identify them.

What's your favorite movie quote?

Typical Tuesday - Carl's story

I debated with myself alot today over what to write about. Whether to post about my stress in finding a valentines present for Ken, or how I lost a set of house keys while sitting in a parked car and tore the car apart for 20 minutes only to find that they had slid into a folder that was sitting at my feet, or about how V and I got together 6 years ago and why the relationship ended, or even about how I struggle with my inner pack rat and turned down 4 bags of stuff that was left in one of our rentals. If I wrote about all 4 this would be a 2 hour read, and i'm sure most of ya'll arent' into all that. I'm fairly relaxed at the moment, sitting here listening to the dogs wrestle in the hallway (I hope they don't wake Carl up) and drinking my afternoon glass of sweet tea. Ahh... relaxation.

Oh I suppose I could tell the story of Carl. It's a rather interesting one. Well, only from my viewpoint maybe. We met when we were 18, working at Walmart. I was freshly married (and unbelievably naive), and experiencing the world for the first time. I was rather sheltered as a kid, as much as inflicted as by choice. I was always the kid who would rather stay home with a stack of books than go cruising with friends. I did that too, but it was usually forced upon me. But that was the summer of 1993 (God I feel old). A few months after I started working there, my first husband, C, started there too, and struck up a friendship with Carl, R and Ken. I had formed a friendship with all 3 from day one, but once C got into the mix I wasn't "allowed" to socially interact with them. It wasn't appropriate. All they wanted was to get into my pants. (well, that was partially true it turned out). So this went on for about 4 or 5 years. They were all friends and such and I didn't have much to do with anything. In 1999, C and I split, and R and I started dating. This was shortlived, but led to a wierd friendship. The four of us (R, Carl, Ken and myself) started hanging out as a group. I became one of the guys. And I totally loved it. I had 'my boys', as I called them and it was great. We would all go to the movies, concerts, try different restaurants, go on road trips to California, whatever. During this time Ken and I started dating. When Emily moved out of my house in 2001 I needed a roommate. Ken and I decided that we werent' ready for that yet, so Carl moved in. This created a wierd/perfect relationship. He became more than my friend, he became my brother. When I had a bad day at work or was upset with Ken, he'd comfort me, listen to me bitch and cry, and never judge me. That's one of the things I so love about him. He never judges. He may never forget and will constantly tease me but he never judges. So anyways... time went on, I lost my house, he moved out, Ken and I broke up, I moved in with V, and here we are 6 years later, Ken and I are back together, and Carl is living with me again. And it truly feels like home again. I love it. And altho at times it's rather frustrating living with a boy, (why oh why do I have to be that specific when asking him to do something? Does everyone have to give a detailed list of chores instead of simply saying 'Clean the bathroom?") It has it's perks. He's taller than me so he can reach the top shelf. He plays with the girls so I can be online. He takes out the trash. He loves sushi more than I do so I can usually talk him into paying for my meal too. And there's the added security. Friday we did yoga together, and while that may sound odd, it honestly was like having a girl friend here. Wierd, I know. Oh and my favorite part, and I know his, is the looks we get from people when we say "Oh i'm living with my boyfriends best friend/ I'm living with my best friends girlfriend". I swear it's like the look off of friends when Phoebe says 'i'm having my brothers babies'. Priceless.

Closure

Today marked the end of my relationship with Vinnie. Yes, the relationship officially ended December 2007. That was when I moved out. My cell phone remained in his name up until this past december, but now is in only my name. But he still was a tenant of mine, living in the house the he and I rented together for 3 of our 5 years together. As of today, the house is officially back in my management possession and he rents from someone else. No more ties.

I expected some emotions, some feelings or memories, as I walked the house this morning. Surprisingly, there were none. The house was left a little dirty, and any of the smaller things (like fake plants or candles) that I had left were left, discarded with the trash. I didn't even feel sad really. Just made an assessment of the work to be done to get the house back in rentable condition, and went to lunch. It was just like any other house. No feelings, no attatchments. Which made me feel good. It truly is over then.

Musical Monday

Jori over at Jeff & Me + Three is hosting a musical monday. Very creepy since just like 2 hours ago I was thinking I should start something like this. Cool. But you stole my idea Jori. Just kidding!

But since I'm a total spaz when it comes to learning how to download a video from youtube (any help would be appriciated, I can pay in the form of kind thoughts) I'm simply going to link and share the lyrics with ya'll.

I'm not going to feature a song, like i'm supposed to, but a cd. I first heard "So What" by Pink a couple of months ago. With all the crap that V and I went through I thought this was the perfect break up song. I love to just turn this up and yell (sing) along.

You weren't there

You never were

You want it all

But that's not fair

I gave you life

I gave my all

You weren't there

You let me fall

So... So what

I'm still a rock star

I got my rock moves

And I don't need you

And guess what?

I'm having more fun

And now that we're done

I'm gonna show you

Tonight...I'm allright...

I'm just fine...

And you're a tool....

Best Break up song.... Ever. I'm telling you, there's nothing more cathartic than screaming this out the car window. And I love the video. Pink is awesome.

I bought the cd today and the second song on there also spoke to me and all the ups and downs i've been through the last year. Sober . The total ups and down roller coaster of emotions after a relationship is over. Who you are as person isn't who you thought you were and trying to find the real you just makes you even crazier.

I don't wanna be the girl that laughs the loudest...or the girl who never wants to be alone...I dont' wanna be that call at 4 oclock in the morning..cause i'm the only one you know in the world that won't be home.. that's not the way I want my story to end...I'm safe up high...Nothing can touch me...But why do I feel this party's over? ....no pain inside...you're my protection...but how do I feel this good sober? ....I don't wanna be the girl that has to fill the silence... The quiet scares me cause it screams the truth....

......And if i let myself go i'm the only one to blame...when it's good then it's good, it's so good till it goes bad..till you're trying to find the you that you once had.. i have heard myself cry never agian...broken down in agony just trying to find a friend...

I. Love. This. Song.

The rest of the cd is just as awesome. But you can definately tell that she wrote most of the songs (if not all of them) when her relationship with her husband fell apart. Misery creates the best art.

Wierdness

It truly has been a bizarre week. Let me recap, just so I can keep the wierdness in some semblance of order.

Monday: Oh crap, there was a monday? Oh yeah, it was supposed to be the busiest day of the month, but Nicole was having a family emergency so I brought alot of paperwork home and got caught up on 'Big Love' before the season premier sunday. (DVR set!!)

Tuesday: Going about the day, minding my own business, and about 2 in the afternoon I get a text that reads 'Hi Tina. Havent spoken in a while. Hope everything is going good for you.". I was like who the f is this? It was Chris, my first husband. Let's just say dont' ever be behind the wheel when you get a text from your first husband that you havent spoken to in 5 years. I'm lucky that tree jumped out of my way. Turns out that he's getting married. To a girl that I was best friends with in high school. Hm.. so of course my first question was how long have they been dating. Guess they've been friends for 6 years and things just naturally progressed. So, yay. I am happy for him. And her. I'm glad he's finally found someone. We got married 3 days before high school graduation and made it 7 years together before I was going out of my mind and we split. I'm the first one to jump on the your too young to get married band wagon, having done it myself. That was wwwwaaayyy too young. Neither one of us knew who we were as individuals, much less what we wanted to be as a couple. But I know he carried alot of resentment and anger for a long time about the split, so I truly am happy that he's fallen in love and found someone that he wants to be with. Just shocked the snot out of me to hear from him like that.

Wednesday: Boring morning. (should have been a clue) Had a depo for a case going at work. Now while I can't give the specifics in the case I can say that I was truly not prepared to be attacked. I thought the depo would take maybe 30 minutes top. Nope. Two and a half freakin hours. By the time I got out of there I was fit to be tied. There wasnt' a Baskin Robbins close enough. And of course being in that mental state there was no way I was getting anything else productive done the rest of the day. Now mind you, I tried, but after attempting to put something in the computer 3 times and it going going right (damn computer) I quit and went home. Went to bed at 9 pm and didnt wake up til 7 am.

Thursday: After the last two days, Nicole promised me a nice boring day of inspecting some vacant properties and then we'd go shopping. We both had gift cards to Macy's burning holes in our pockets and I for one dont like fire that close to my body. So we headed to the first property. Yep. That was the last one. This house was evicted the day after christmas. They decided they didnt like that and moved back in and rekeyed the flippin house! Metro was called. Locksmith was called. Went through it all again. So we show up a third time and they have done it again! New hardware on the door, house locked up tight. Well, I got smart (a-ha!) there in between the second and this time and had the power turned off so they were in there for 3 days with no power. But seeing as how I am not about to rush in a house with a squatter and get shot for nobody, we waited for metro. Again. Then waited for the locksmith. Again. Finally, after 2 hours, got back in the house, did our inspection and locked the house up tight. In my 5 years doing this this is the first time i've ever had this happen. Sign of the times?

So after all that we headed straight to the mall. Macy's was having some amazing sales so I bought 2 summer nightgowns (and yes I was tempted to come home and turn the heat up to 80 so I could wear them), a pair of silky short gouchos, and a bottle of perfume. I love this stuff! Long day of shopping, got home around 6, got in my jammies, and just surfed around online all night reading blogs. Friday: Full day in the office. Didn't get home til 5. Had plans to go to Ken's for dinner, but V called right when I was walking out the door. They (he and T, the new wife) have found a new place to live. (currently they still rent from me, in the same house that I lived in when we were together). Cheaper, which was his main goal. But they needed a letter of recomendation from me, the landlord. (the power!) So, realizing that this was probably the only moment in our relationship where I had the upper hand I told him that it was a friday night and I had plans, but if they would like to type up the letter for me and bring it over, say 10-ish, I would be more than happy to sign it and give them one of my business cards. They accepted (did they have a choice?) So went all the way up the mountain to Ken's for dinner. He fixed a delicious shephards pie that i'm going to have to watch him make next time so I can post it on my other blog. Got home about 9-ish and worked on cataloging comics for the ebay store til they got here. And it was a pleasant exchange. Havent spoken to HER in 6 months? V calls like maybe twice a week, just to tell me what's going on in his life (havent decided if I care still or not). But paper signed, they have a meeting today with the new landlord. Keep your fingers crossed for me. This is the last tie that he and I have together.

So..... if anyone else from my past pops up I think i'm going to spend the rest of the month in hybernation.

This weekend is going to be spent cleaning my house, since I didn't get anything accomplished during the week. Oh joy.

It was a wonderful, relaxing, stress-free birthday weekend. The absolutely best birthday i've had in a very long time. Friday night Ken came over and I made manicotti. (recipe on my other blog) I don't even remember what we watched on tv, just that dinner was good and it was a nice, quiet evening.

Saturday Ken woke up with a mission. For my birthday, he went to Home Depot and spent like $300 on misc stuff to fix up the house. I gave him a 'honey-do' list and he went to work. I got three new curtains and rods, new weather stripping on the patio door in my bedroom, a new shower head and doors for my master bath, and he redid the cable wiring for the front media room. I swear I love this man. This was better than any other present I could have thought of or asked for. He just kept coming up with 'well, would you like me to do.....' and of course my answer was yes! He topped off the day with steak dinner and a cheesecake from Freeds, the absolute best cheesecake in the entire world. This of course led to a discussion of wedding cakes, since he saw a few that they had displayed when he went in. They had one there years ago that i've always said if I were to get married again I would get. It was a 4 layer chocolate cake with chocolate covered strawberries all over it. Divine. But after several bites of cherry cheesecake, I have decided that all I want is a GIANT cherry cheesecake. Or even a bunch of little ones. They are that good.

Sunday I got alot more done around the house, talked to V (more on that later) and then went to see 'Yes Man'.

Loved. It. Honestly, I laughed so hard I think I peed in my pants a little. Enough said.

reflections...

I've been thinking alot of what I want my goals for next year to be. So much in my life has changed in the past year. Last december 17th was my last day in my home with V. After 5 years it was over. I moved in with my best friend emily, who graciously let me stay in her guest bedroom until I could get back on my feet. That took me until March. Then I moved in with my boss/friend Nicole's daughter, Beth and her 2 year old daughter. The day before we were supposed to move in, John, Nicoles' husband and my boss for 5 years, died of cancer. We knew it was coming but it still hit suddenly. Topped with the move I think it took me until just recently to get back on my feet. In August Beth announce she was getting married and I would have to move again. I found a great townhome in an older part of town that was just what I could afford. I was a little nervous about being totally on my own for the first time in 6 years (and that was only for about 8 mnths) but I was excited. I painted the entire house different colors, any color I wanted to. I have always love mismatched furniture anyways so my dumpster diving lifestyle fit right in with the odd color walls. In October Carl asked me if I was still interested in a roommate. Carl and I had lived together for 2 years back in 2001-02. He was at the time my boyfriends best friend (Ken). But we had known each other since we were 18. When I found out that I was moving out of Beths house I had asked him if he was interested in getting a place together but at the time he was settled where he was. I think I just needed that time to adjust to being truly alone. And honestly I loved it. No one to tell me what time to do anything or be anywhere, I could come and go at any hour, eat what I wanted and do what I wanted. Total exhilarating freedom. When he asked if I was interested in rooming again tho I jumped at it. Altho giving up the solitude was a bit hard, I love having a friend here. And he truly is my friend. I've always called him my brother. And now that Ken and I are trying to rekindle our relationship, it's the three of us hanging out again. I just love it, and they have both said how they love it too. It actually feels like home here. For the first time in a long time. I have a home. And that's what struck me as odd. For the 5 years I was with V, I strived to be the best wife I could be. To make our house a home. And try as hard as I did, it just never got there. The old cliche of it wasnt meant to be guess rings true I guess.

So looking back at moving 3 times in 8 months, loosing my boss and trying to find my footing in the business, starting my own used online bookstore, trying to raise my two dogs and keep them from eating the house, straightening out my finances, learning to eat better and smarter, it's been a hell of a year. I dont know if I really want to have any goals for next year. Maybe just continue down the path i'm going. It's been going pretty good so far.

And the beat goes on...

The weekend ended up much better than the week was. Friday nite Ken made homemade pizza using the pizza dough from Fresh and Easy. It turned out so good. We are all hooked on those stores here. It's pretty much the only place I shop anymore. I used to be all into the coupone and price comping thing, spending hours going over all of the ads and seeing what I had coupons to match, and then taking the whole mess to Walmart since they will match all comps. I supose since money is still a little tight I probably should, but i've started eating better. Not really better, just more conscious. I couldnt believe the amount of sodium and carbs I was consuming. Shopping at fresh and easy has made my diet healthier, plus they have amazing deals. Today I bought a package of 7 chicken thighs with the skin and bone for only $2.10. I seperated it into 3 packages, doused them with different marindades, stuck them in the food saver and straight into the freezer. Gotta love that.

We watched PS I Love You saturday while Ken cooked breakfast. It was really good, better than I expected. I'm not a big Hilary Swank fan, she could stand to put a little more weight on in my opinion, but it was a really sweet love story. And yes, I cried. I did think that James Marsters (forever known as Spike) could have been in it a little more. That might have helped it some.

Today is the winter solstice. This site has some cool history and ideas for celebrating today.

I cant' believe thursday is Christmas. I finished my shopping up today, thank goodness. But the next two days are going to be just insane at work. I have 4 houses to clean, we have to do the year end and month end accounting, plus we have 7 evictions pending before wednesday. Why i'm still wide awake typing I dont know. I'm sure it doesnt have anything to do with the 5 glasses of sweet tea I consumed today.

But overall it wa sa nice relaxing weekend. I spent friday nite at Ken's but he spent Saturday night here. I know he's not comfortable here (I only have a queen bed) but he said he'd start coming over here on the weekends until Bella gets older and I can leave her unattended. Right now i'm working on just leaving her in a room by herself for an extended amount of time. Carl and I went out for lunch today and just in an hour she ate a book off the bookshelf and destroyed a pillow. In her defense the book was a copy of the Kama Sutra and the pillows was Ken's, so maybe she was just telling me she was pissed he spent the night and she had to sleep on the floor.